Forgive - To cease to feel resentment against an offender.
Although easier said than done, forgiveness is an essential piece to the puzzle of peace. We've all been the offended or the offender.
When I was in my early to mid-twenties, I found myself very depressed and unhappy. The depression “seemed” to come out of nowhere even though I knew it had to stem from somewhere. I could not figure out what was wrong. All I knew was there something wrong.
I was unhappy and thought the remedy could not possibly come from within. Surely this feeling was not my fault, which to me (in my immaturity) meant it was not my responsibility to fix. I figured this “feeling” would go away or I could make it go away. So, I indulged in trying to “make it go away”. I went to clubs and tried to drink and dance it away; I hung out with friends and family and tried to laugh it away; I got into relationships and tried to sex it away; I even thought by having my kids, I could love it away. It all seemed to work in the moment, but those things were all temporary fixes and highs that I always came crashing down from.
I even had a stint where I would lay on the couch all day sad, angry, and stuck. One day I prayed for God to help me figure out what was wrong with me because every fiber of my being was dwelling in this low vibrational state and was affecting my, be-ing in a negative way.
That day I cried on the bathroom floor in the dark until my eyes were swollen and just released the pain through my eyes. The following days I began to "soul search" asking myself, what's wrong and analyzing how I felt. When I asked myself about specific people in my life and unsavory situations that have occurred either by my own choices or another's actions and took the time out to be transparent with myself about the whats, whens, whys and hows, I was able to decide not to allow myself to be bound by pain and anger. I came up with ways to process my emotions in a healthy way that ultimately served a greater purpose than I thought holding onto them would.
Forgiving is a process that there is no specific way of doing. Each instance maybe tailored a different way depending on how deep the pain is rooted. The whole purpose is to process the pain, anger or frustrations so they pass through our hearts, minds, and spirits in an effective way and not hoard them. The emotions that cause unforgiveness is simply energy. Just like food goes through our physical digestive system, depending on whether or not the food is good for our bodies, it will energize and heal our bodies. If the food is not good for our bodies, it will cause sickness and destruction to our bodies. Energy, whether good or bad, passes through our spiritual digestive system. The way we choose manufacture the energy determines how the energy will come out and how it will affect us mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and in our day to day lives.
I recently had to come to terms with the fact that a lot of things I endured were caused by my own choices. I had to take full accountability for my choices and forgive myself for things chose to partake in when I didn't love myself wholeheartedly. I found forgiving myself was harder than forgiving someone else and that essentially forgiving myself is the required prerequisite to overall forgiveness and removed a lot of the blocks and resistance that caused me to me to choose to make choices that were not for my greater good.
A couple of things that helped me get to the root causes of my pain is/was journaling and taking walks. These activities helped me to put my mind, body and spirit in a meditative state where I could focus and allow clarity regarding each step and each instance that got me to the point of harboring ill feelings towards myself and others.
The more I faced the pain and anger the more I overcame it. The more I cultivated plans and boundaries, and stuck to them, the less I found/find myself in situations that caused my spirit to be bound by unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness creates a low vibrational frequency in and around us that actually aides in attracting more situations that could cause us to be unforgiving.
Forgiveness is not always an easy thing, and let's me honest, when it comes to the pain that we didn't cause ourselves, who wants to clean up someone else's mess. When we understand and accept responsibility for ourselves, we realize life is indeed what we make it and welcome the job of painting our self portrait.
Forgiveness is a part of growth, and in actuality, there is really no way around Forgiveness when you’re healing and are committed to elevation. For example, when we are sick or injured the mind and the body must first accept that it is damaged before it can send the proper signals or blood cells, etc. to heal the ailment.
The only way out is through, but the journey is worth every step of the way.
The F.O.C.U.S Point
Tools: Pen/pencil, paper, and a area that helps you get to a reflective state. You can light a candle, incense, etc.
1. For 10 to 15 minutes, sit quiet or with relaxing soft music playing. The goal is to create an ambiance and energy of peace.
2. Think about the things that you have been struggling to forgive yourself for. Write the reasons why you haven’t forgiven yourself and write the things what lead you to making the choices that you made to bring those specific instances about whether you were the offended or the offender. Last, write down ways you can avoid those counter-productive decisions. Let whatever emotions that come up flow with the intent to forgive and use the energy for your greater good. Be honest with yourself but don’t be hard on yourself. It’s ok to recover, it’s not ok to remain stuck.
It may take some time to write your list. Sometimes nothing may come to mind depending on how strong the block is and that’s ok, sometimes you may just sit quiet but if you keep the genuine desire to find a solution it will come in due time. You got this! Congratulations in advance!
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